Since when is my name a synonym for head?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
