He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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