i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
