captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
