I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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