The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
