if you like me you must not know who I am
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
