The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
