her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
