I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
