you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
