He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
