Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
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