Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Boobs are out for the taking
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
