I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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