You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
