; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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