i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the day after is always just damage control
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
