I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
