just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
