let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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