Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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