there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
