If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my shit smells like andre
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
