happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
