Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
