According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No subtext here. People are naked.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
