i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
