I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
