well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
