he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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