rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
