So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
