When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
