he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
