No awkward lesbian experiences without me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Let's get the cat blown out
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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