I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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