I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
