is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Drake has all the answers
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
