How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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