Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You pole danced in your parka.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
His nipple licking is glorious
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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