u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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