he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
