I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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