matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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