Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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