I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
