I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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