Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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