I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
