i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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