Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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