Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
