Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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