The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
