I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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