Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
