If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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