dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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