Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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