You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
