i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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