I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
