For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We’re leaving where are you
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