Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize