Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You made out with two different species that night
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
