i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
